Submitted By: Dr. Jodi 

      In today’s time of dating and marriage issues, there are books, CD’s, tapes, Videos, even emails and special lectures that teach ways in special communication just for those dating and communication for lasting or better marriages.
      Yet none really is identical to the other, nor is one an antidote for everyone or all circumstances. Even with married couples the art of communication is an on going craft that isn’t mastered overnight, in a week, a month or in twelve years –but is ever growing.
      As a society, we seem to begin fooling ourselves that this too, should some how be a quick fix; an instant understanding and clarity between two individuals that have total diversity and life experiences. Both beings think with their own minds, feel with their own emotions and sense life with their own beings. Ironic really, isn’t it? Yet, somehow we want to “buy into” the illusion that, this too, should be easy and perfect –or it is in some way wrong and not worth “working” at keeping or having. Sad, really when thought of in that context. To think that we, as a society in general, are willing to work harder at keeping a job or a career; or maintaining the longevity of a vehicle and would cause it no harm, than a relationship with someone that deep within us –we love dearly.
      So what do we do, you’re asking? Do we keep taking it all apart and analyzing it? If we did –would that inspire you to spend at least as much time and effort into those you love and care about and uplifting them –as you do or would the material “things” in life?
Maybe, maybe not –you’re thinking. So, let’s not do that then.
      How about this –lets think about what we love. I mean, really think about it from the heart, not just the mind. Let this be your inspiration and motivation. Let me give you something to think about.
      When you first started dating the one you love, and spend all your time with, what got your attention at the beginning? Was it her eyes? Was it the way he laughed or looked at you? Did she have a smile that took your breath away? Did the two of you talk until you lost track of time? Were you so comfortable in each other’s company, it just felt like being “home?” Did you feel gentleness between you?
      What were your early memories spending time together? Were there moments that you shared that you both just start laughing? Do you catch each other’s eye with an understanding or knowing that only the two of you share?
      Some may be thinking at this point, “yeah, that’s great, but things are busy now, times change & we’re different… kids… work…etc.”
      That goes without saying- this is all a part of life. We are not here to question natural changes or add frustration by telling you to do great things in addition to what is already happening. However, there is recognition to the frustration you are feeling and would like to change it, and that is why you are here now.
      It doesn’t matter if you have just met and are beginning a new relationship, have been together 1 month, 1 year, 6 years, 13 years, 22 years, or 43 years –you each still need to spend quality time together and talk with each other. Share the value in one another that is there from the first time you meet throughout the entirety of your relationship. When you value your partner and your relationship –you too, experience the love, joy and richness of a fulfilling partnership and shared life you both desire.
      Take time to go out on a date; just the two of you. Listen to each other. Continue to talk about your dreams and desires. Work at helping each other fulfill them. Encourage, inspire and support each other in daily events, efforts and express gratitude regularly for the efforts the other does (be it in the home, work, for you, the kids or observed for others). Take the time to appreciate what your partner does; their gifts, abilities and encourage them to grow. Express gratitude for the support and love you receive.
      Be a helpmate to each other. Compliment one another. Uplift one another in social settings vs. allowing or using your spouse or mate as a brunt of jokes or “gender” jabbing or social/family challenges. Demonstrate support of your partners character and abilities, even when you are not together. When you love someone, there is no logic in demonstrating to others any differently by using your partner as the brunt of insults or implications to indicate otherwise (even if others do so as a social form of sarcastic joking). This is not a form or expression of love, but a negative affirmation that one does not care that much for the one they speak of.
      Take time to know what your partner needs to feel connected to you- to feel fulfilled. Does he need to hold your hand? Does she need to hear you say, “I love you?” Don’t be afraid of the quite or silent times shared together; feel comforted, even empowered that you are that comfortable around each other to share both silence and intellectually stimulating times. Does he or she feel more fulfilled in being helped with tasks around the home or a big project from work or doing things together with the children? Take an interest in what your spouse or partners interests and inspirations are. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have do all of them together, but listening and taking some part shows support and interest in the one you love. It also allows you to be aware of what is going on in the heart and mind of your partner, so you both can feel a sense of connection and communication.
      Practice the concept of the round table between you. In other words, share the events of the day with each other by taking turns while one is listening fully with the intent of understanding what your partner has experienced and is feeling in the moment. He or she may or may not be seeking resolution or ideas to the day’s events. It may or may not have been a positive experience; and it may or may not be expressed in a positive fashion, but it is not about you at this moment. It is about hearing what the person you love has gone through this day and allowing him or her to express it freely without judgement, criticism or approval. Sometimes it is just the need to be heard, express aloud and to still feel loved afterwards. Then when you’ve had your turn, do the same for your spouse or partner. This allows you both to be supportive of one another, and to be and remain connected and close to one another by bringing in what transpires outside of your immediate relationship. This practice also exercises healthy communication for the two of you verses taking the challenges of the day “out” on each other and place hardship and distance between you. It is vital to maintain the health of your relationship to remember who is your support, partner and the one you love. When you treat your “life mate” as the one who is truly with you permanently to work with you on any of life’s challenges –you will turn to each other in all of the events that transpire. This process is also a beautiful example for the family structure and learning process of your children.
        Have a genuine interest and care for the health and well being of each other. If its being a loving, compassionate encouragement to take walks together; or prepare healthier meals together. At times, it may be going to doctor visits together, or at least taking an interest and concern into what has transpired as a result or regular preventive healthcare. You both want as much time together, so express the love and value with compassion by this added sense of connection and intimacy, which also strengthens your trust and bonds of communication. It is also another form of learning your partners like and dislikes and how to be more fulfilling in your forms of communication towards one another with activities you share together to the types of foods you enjoy. Have fun with it! Laugh a lot!
      Take time to look deeply into each other’s eyes. It’s not a competition; but an opportunity for both of you to let down your guard and silently say, “I trust & love you.” For some, it is even saying, “I want to share even more of me, with you.” It is another way of connecting with the one you love. A way to express “I am open to you” and “I am receptive to you.”
      The intimacy in sharing - the joy, the peace, the love, can be unlimited and unconditional. Just use compassion, gentleness and a care that comes deep from within you. Many blessings in your journey united.