Submitted by Coach Terri

In many relationships, one person wants sex more than the other.  We are all dealing with different levels of sexual desire.  If you aren’t, consider yourself one of the lucky ones.  Sexuality is an area of our lives in which we make ourselves the most vulnerable.  That is why rejection from your lover can be so devastating.  There are biological reasons for why some of us want sex more than others.

What Causes Your Sex Drive?
Sexual desire is caused by the hormone testosterone.  Both men and women have testosterone in their bodies.  Men have more than women because women have the hormone estrogen.  Actually, the amount of testosterone you have in your body determines how often you want to have sex.

2/3 of all men have a high level of testosterone.  This causes them to have a strong sexual desire.  1/3 of all men have moderate to low levels of this hormone, resulting in a low sex drive.  Sometimes, men with a low sex drive are considered to not be normal.  This isn’t true, this is normal for them.  On the other hand, 2/3 of all women have low levels of testosterone.  This causes them to have moderate to low sexual desire.  Only 1/3 of women have a high level and high sexual desire.

What Else Affects Desire?
There are other factors that can influence your sexual desire.  In both women and men, medications can affect you.  There are a lot of medications with sexual side effects.  If you have had a change in your desire levels, you should speak to your doctor about this.  Your doctor can give you insight into what might be causing the change.  It would be a good idea to have a physical.   You know your body better than anyone else.

In women, sex drive can be greatly influenced by childbirth.  I don’t just mean on an emotional level.  Physically, it takes about a year for a woman’s body to go back to her “normal” pattern of desire.  Emotionally, it is a whole new ball game for her.  Lack of sleep, taking care of a child all day, and feeling emotionally drained can all affect her sex drive.  Sometimes women feel guilty focusing on their own needs when there is a child to take care of.  

Can Anything Be Done About It?
First, I want to stress that you should talk to your doctor if there has been a recent change.  You want to rule out any serious health related problems.  Your doctor could also know of some hormonal treatments that you could use.  There are doctors who specialize in testosterone treatments for men and women.  If this is a route you want to go, make sure you do your research and find a good doctor with this specialty.

Secondly, it is important to know that women tend to have all areas of their life flowing together.  Men are better able to separate their sexuality from work, family, etc.  If a woman has had a bad day at work or is stressed out from the kids, it is harder for her to feel sexual.  Women need time to decompress after a stressful day.  She needs to be able to connect with her husband before being able to make love.  Allow her to have this time.

 © Passionate Lives Coaching, 2007