Welcome to Coach-Connect Rufus! and thank you for your question.

Life is an accumulation of experiences and we each have a unique process of moving through each one. If you don't accept your process and believe it should be something other than what it is, you might experience anxiety and dissatisfaction with self. Try not to be so hard on yourself and try to understand that self realization takes as long as it takes. There is no right or wrong way as every experience can serve you and your evolution if you allow it too. It's my experience that there are no mistakes.

I don't see that you've been stuck in anything "too long." It's my experience that I'm stuck until I'm not and no amount of mental abuse against myself will unstick me any sooner, and if anything, it may just delay my process and movement forward. No wonder your self esteem is taking a hit when your thoughts are arguing with reality and not supporting your natural process. Reality seems to suggest that you've not been ready to date and perhaps not ready to embrace yourself and the process that is unique to you. "When do we stop using the low self-esteem card as an excuse?" Let's ask you... when will you stop? It's my experience that it stops when I question the thoughts I'm attaching too. Discover the core of your fear and question the thoughts that continue to support something that's getting in your way. What fear do you nurture about leaving the old and meeting the new? What meaning do you attach to "change?"

Your body is perfect exactly as it is... until it changes. Does it serve your self esteem to continually berate yourself by thinking that you're fat and ugly? That sounds very unkind to me. How motivated are you to maintain a healthy weight and life style when your inner voice is constantly undermining your best intention? Let's question all of the thoughts that separate you from yourself, and from a full life including dating. That you've come to the question of when we stop using the low-self esteem card as an excuse, tells me that you've taken a step toward self realization. If you'd like to continue moving forward, you can find me in the Coach Directory of the site. Nice to meet you and thank you for your wonderful question.

Warmly, Sandra Harris

Post edited by: saharris, at: 2007/07/02 21:37